We know that life imitates art, but how well does art imitate business life? Do you channel your inner Peggy Mitchell around the office? Do you flip into Basil Fawlty when the pressure’s on? Read on below to see how you match up with some of our favourite fictional business owners.
Family. That’s all you care about. You run a family business and family comes first. Treat us right and we’ll look after you like one of our own. Need to pay us tomorrow? Don’t worry about it. Watch the kids while you nip to the arches? No problem. Get Phil and Grant to give someone a slap? Just tell ‘em where to go. But step out of line and you’ll get some grief that’ll chase you round the square and back across London. So behave yourself, or you can GEETTTOOOUTTTAAAMAAAPUUUUUBBBB!!!!
The Weasley Twins
Some call you you maverick, others think you’re a renegade, but you couldn’t give two broomsticks what anyone else thinks – you’re doing things your way. Like a mini-Steve Jobs, your innovations appeal to the masses. Spy on your spouse with extendable ears, recover from a curry with some U-No-Poo. You’re a visionary, an artist, you solve problems people didn’t know they had. Because let’s face it, who doesn’t need a portable swamp?
You may run a salon, but you’re not in the hairdressing business, you’re in the community support business. Customers pay for their perm or a blue rinse, but they get a group therapy session for free. Your love for the locals got you elected to the council, and you’re proud to serve and style side-by-side. Your community spirit endures through all, whether your con-man boyfriend is getting off with Deirdre, or your serial killer son-in-law is making you think you have dementia before trying to kill you in a fire. That’s real dedication.
For you, business is all about the bottom line. Turn a profit and you’re doing well, eat into it and you’re being a clown. All these new-age fads like “team-building”, “staff satisfaction” or “being a nice person” are for hippies and fools. It’s not about being thrifty, you believe a streamlined business is a well-managed business. So turn off the heating and re-use the tea bags, and if Tiny Tim in accounts asks for a pay rise, give him a bag of humbugs each month.
You have clear ideas on service and tradition, but your primary focus is improving the quality of your clientele. You’ll show your prestige customers that your establishment is fit for a king – the riff raff can look after themselves. When it comes to motivating your staff, you’re a firm believer in discipline, dishing out swift punishment to underperformers. Even company vehicles aren’t above a thrashing. When the pressure is on you’re a pillar of calm, but on the odd occasion when you do get stressed, just try not to mention the war.